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攻克雅思寫作銜接難題

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攻克雅思寫作銜接難題

劍橋雅思真題9的一篇考官範文,一起來看看 “連貫和銜接”的使用。

題目:Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

A problem of modern societies is the declining level of health in the general

population, with conflicting views on how to tackle this worrying trend.

通過代詞this的使用使得“現象”與大眾對現象的看法產生了銜接,清晰簡潔,不留痕跡做到了評分準則中的“uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention”

One possible solution is to provide more sports facilities to encourage a more

lifestyle.

通過 “one possible”寫出了後文還會提到提到其他的解決方案,從而體現了後文在分段和內容上與總觀點的對應,即評分準則中的”skilfully manages paragraphing“

Advocates of this believe that today’s sedentary lifestyle and stressful working

通過this的使用把主體段與“首段”緊密聯繫起來

conditions mean that physical activity is no longer part of either our work or our

leisure time. If there were easy-to-reach local sports centres, we would be more

通過對於關鍵詞的修飾進一步論證了論點中涉及的關鍵重心內容,體現了內容的深化,論據與觀點的銜接(即增多“sports facilities”的第一個原因:需要讓大眾更方便做運動)

likely to make exercise a regular part of our lives, rather than just collapsing in front of a screen every evening. The variety of sports that could be offered would

作用同上“通過對於關鍵詞的修飾進一步論證了論點中涉及的關鍵重心內容,體現了內容的深化,論據與觀點的銜接”(即增多“sports facilities”的第二個原因:需要滿足更多人的需求),兩個原因之間並沒有生硬的使用“Firstly, Secondly”

cater for all ages, levels of fitness and interests: those with painful memories of PE at school might be happier in the swimming pool than on the football pitch.

However, there may be better ways of tackling this problem. Interest in sport is

通過代詞”this ”的使用,是的此段觀點與題目相聯繫(即在此段會寫出“other possible ways”),並且與上一段形成並列關係

not universal, and additional facilities might simply attract the already fit, not

those who most need them. Physical activity could be encouraged relatively

cheaply, for example by installing exercise equipment in parks, as my local council has done. This has the added benefit that parents and children often use them

“This”代替前面的措施,前後句之間因此產生緊密聯繫

together just for fun, which develops a positive attitude to exercise at an early age.

“which”代替前面所描述的“增加equipment”的直接影響,使主句和從句,直接影響和間接影響產生聯繫

As well as physical activity, high tax penalties could be imposed on high-fat food

products, tobacco and alcohol, as excessive consumption of any of these

(普通連接詞“as”後接原因) (“these”代詞的.使用加強主從句之間的聯繫)

contributes to poor health. Even improving public transport would help: it takes

longer to walk to the bus stop than to the car.

In my opinion, focusing on sports facilities is too narrow an approach and would

not have the desired results. People should be encouraged not only to be more

physically active but also to adopt a healthier lifestyle in general.

通過以上的分析可以看出,考官是極少使用明顯生硬的連接詞的,而是通過緊扣論點的論據分類,代詞的準確應用以及論點與分論點的內容呼應達到“不留痕跡,分段得體”的狀態的。