《自深深處》精選段落賞析

【原著選段】

I let myself beluredinto long spells ofsenseless and sensual ease. I amused myself withbeing a flneur, a dandy, a man of fashion. Isurrounded myself with the smaller natures and the meaner minds. I became the spendthrift of my owngenius, and to waste an eternal youth gave me acurious joy. Tired of being on the heights Ideliberately went to the depths in the search for newsensations. What the paradox was to me in the sphereof thought, perversity became to me in the sphere ofpassion. Desire, at the end, was a malady, or amadness, or both. I grew careless of the lives ofothers. I took pleasure where it pleased me andpassed on. I forgot that every little action of thecommon day makes orunmakescharacter, and thattherefore what one has done in the secret chamberone has some day to cry aloud on the housetops. Iceasedto be Lord over myself. I was no longer theCaptain of my Soul, and did not know it. Iallowed you to dominate me, and your father tofrighten me. I ended in horrible disgrace. There isonly one thing for me now, absolute Humility: just asthere is only one thing for you, absolute Humility also. You had better come down into the dust and learnit beside me.

【朱純深譯本】

我讓自己受誘惑，糊里糊塗地掉進聲色的放浪而不能自拔，以作為一個紈絝子弟、花花公子、風流人物自快，讓身邊圍着一些不成器的小人。揮霍自己的'才華，把一個永恆的青春拋擲，讓我莫名其妙地覺得快活。在高峯頂上呆膩了，便成心下到谷底，尋求新的刺激。在思想範疇中我視作似非而是的悖論，在激情領域中成了乖張變態的情慾。慾望，到頭來，是一種痼疾，或是一種瘋狂，或兩者都是。對別人的生死我變得漠不關心，只要自己高興就快活一下，過後便掉頭走了。我忘了，日常生活中每一個細小的行為都能培養或者敗壞品格，因此，一個人在暗室裏乾的事，總有一天要在房頂上叫嚷出去的。我不再主宰自己， 不再執掌自己的靈魂，也不認識它了。我讓你支配我、讓你的父親嚇唬我，終於弄得臉面丟盡。對於我，只剩下一樣東西了：絕對的謙卑； 對於你， 同樣只剩下一樣東西了：也是絕對的謙卑。你最好還是下來，在屈辱中與我一道學這功課。