《一個陌生女人的來信》讀書筆記摘抄

The child, your son, was born there, in that asylum of wretchedness, among the very poor, the outcast, and the abandoned.

你的兒子，出生在那個悲慘的收容所，那裏都是窮人、流浪漢和被遺棄的人。【未婚媽媽所需要承受的...】

Once, at least, I had to cry aloud, to let you know How dearly bought was the child, this boy who was my delight, and who now lies dead.

I shall never speak of them again.

For eleven years I have kept silence, and shall doon be dumb for evermore.

至少一次，我不得不大聲哭出來，以讓你知道這個死去的孩子對我來説有多珍貴，他是我所有快樂的源泉。

我將不會再提起那些苦難的日子。

過去的十一年，我保持了沉默，自此以後，這些也將會隨我遠去。

I had forgotten those dreadful hours, forgotten them in his simles and his voice, forgotten them in my happiness.

Now, when he is dead, the torment has come to life again, and I had, this once, to give it utterance.

在他的笑容、聲音裏和我擁有他的幸福裏我已經忘記了那些可怕的時光。但現在他死了，這些苦難和折磨又再次回到我的生命裏，這一次，我不得不説出來與人傾訴，緩解我內心的痛苦。

But I do not accuse you, only God, only God who is the author of such purposeless affliction.

Never did I repent the nights when I enjoyed your love, never did I cease to love you, or to bless the hour when you came into my life.

但對你我沒有任何責怪，這些無緣無故的苦難都是拜上天所賜。

我從不後悔與你相處的那些時光，也從未停止愛你，或者説我感激你進入我生命的那些日子。

【愛從未停止，但造化弄人】

Our boy died yesterday, and you never know him.

His bright little personality has never come into the most fugitive contact with you, and your eyes have never rested on him.

我們的孩子昨天死去，而你從不知道他的存在。

這個小小的明亮少年跟你沒有片刻接觸，你的眼神在他身上也從未有片刻停留。

I did not wish to spanide myself between you and him, and so I did not give myself to you, who were happy and independent of me.

But to boy who needed me, whom I had to nourish, whom I could kiss and fondle.

I seemed to have been healed of restless yearning for you.

我不願在你和他之間把自己分成兩半，所以我沒有陪在你身邊，因為你生活幸福且獨立，完全不會依賴我。

這個孩子，他更需要我，需要我的'養育，而我也可以親吻他，愛撫他(而不像對着不愛我的你，只能遠遠觀望)。

因為有這個孩子，我對你無盡的思念好像也得到了治癒。

【孩子是一個母親的全部，治癒了所有的傷痛】

The doom seemed to have been lifted from me by the birth of this other you, who was truly my own.

這個孩子，是另一個你，完完全全屬於我，命運好像對我高抬貴手。【擁有時是命運高抬貴手，失去時命運便是謀殺者。大概是因為愛得不可自拔，竟對他一點一絲責怪也無?】

One thing only-on your birthday I have always sent you abunch of white roses, like the roses you gave me after our first night of love.

Has it ever occured to you, During those ten or eleven years to ask yourself who sent them?

Have you ever recalled having given such roses to a girl? I do not know, and never shall know.

For me it was enough to send them to you out of darkness, enough once a year, to revive my own memory of that hour.

(因為有孩子的慰籍，我暫時停止了對你狂熱的思念)僅僅為你做一件事，在你生日那天，我會送一束白玫瑰，跟我們第一晚歡愉之後你送給我那種玫瑰一樣。

在過去的十年或者十一年，你可曾有一點點念頭，問自己，送給你這束白玫瑰的人是誰?

你可曾想起你曾經送了這麼一束白玫瑰給一個女孩?我不知道，並將永遠不知道了。

但對我來説，穿過黑夜迷霧送這束花給你已是足夠，每年一次，讓我沉迷回憶中那段時光。

【他隨手惠贈的一束白玫瑰，你就記了一生，也許只因為白玫瑰就是屬於你的花語，送給暗戀愛慕的人，純潔的愛。】

You never know our boy. I blame myself today for having hidden him from you, for you would have love him.

You have never seen him smile when he first opened his eyes after sleep, his dark eyes that were your eyes, the eyes with which he looked merrily forth at me and the world.

He was so bright, so lovable.

你從來不知道他的存在。此刻我後悔我把他藏起來，我想你如果知道他也會愛他的。

你從沒看到睡醒後他第一次睜開眼睛的微笑，他的黑眼睛跟你一模一樣，他曾用這雙眼睛愉快的注視着我和這個世界。

他如此聰明，如此可愛。

【一個母親對孩子無盡的愛，想到孩子全是明亮的色彩，這是黑暗迷霧中唯一的一抹亮色，但此刻也是無盡的絕望，失去他，已經失去所有，失去可以活下去的勇氣。】

You will wonder how I could manage to give boy So costly an upbringing, how it was possible for me to provide for him an entry into this bright and cheerful life of the well-to-do.

Dear one, I am speaking to you from the darkness.

Uashamed, I will tell you.

Do not shrink from me, I sold myself. My friends, my lovers, were wealthy men.

They all became my grateful admires. They all loved me-except you, except you whom I loved.

你會奇怪我怎麼會負擔得起如此昂貴的撫養費用，我怎麼能提供他如此富裕、明亮、精彩的生活。

親愛的，在如此黑夜中，我將告訴你，沒有任何羞愧的。請不要避開(看不起)我，為了給孩子優質生活我終是淪落風塵，我的朋友、我的情人，都是有錢人士。他們都拜倒在我的石榴裙下，為我着迷。他們都愛我除了你，我深愛的你。

【這大概是最無望的愛情了，世人愛我，唯獨沒有你，而我只愛你。不管生活如何污穢不堪，我也不願我們之間的愛有任何施捨】